BLOG! Fall Preview

Coming this Fall to BLOG! by JM Dobies:

Texas Bar-B-Q Showdown: Stubb's vs. The Iron Works

Brave Hater: 2007 in Review

Bring Me the Head of Anthony Wiggle

The Return of The Mal Thursday Show

Ales from the Crypt: North by Northwest

The Ugly Beats: Live n' Wild

Florida Rocks Again!: Even More Playlists!!!

Brave Hater Extra: Thank You, Chipper

CHIPPER EROR DOOMS BRAVES IN LOSS

Has ever a sweeter headline been written this season?

"Chipper error dooms Braves in loss."

We like how that trips off the tongue:

Chipper.

Error.

Dooms Braves.

In loss.

Larry Wayne's throwing error led to three unearned runs for the Phillies and wasted another excellent outing by Tim Hudson. The Braves had won eight of their previous nine games.

We hasten to add that Chipper had a second consecutive 1-for-4 night that dropped his batting average to .339. Maybe the NL batting title isn't such a lock after all.

From ESPN.Com:

"Philadelphia moved within one game of NL East-leading New York with a 5-2 victory over the Atlanta Braves on Wednesday night. The loss all but eliminated Atlanta from postseason contention. The Braves remain alive but have to win their last four games and get a lot of help to pass Colorado, Philadelphia and San Diego."

[Insert maniacal laughter here.]

Need we remind you that Brave Hater is a parody?

Led Schleppelin: 13 Hours at the Crestwood

OK, OK, I came to town without a solid job offer, so while I was waiting for the inevitable callback from the myriad auditions I've done in hopes of landing a well-paying gig, I decided to take a temporary schlep job in an industry with which I have a long and painful history.

The hospitality industry.

The hotel game.

The pay-by-the-day, flophouse, hot-sheet, no-tell motel game.

Only slightly updated from the seamy picture painted by onetime teenage bellhop Jim Thompson in such novels as A Swell-Looking Babe.



So I took a desk clerk job at the Crestwood Suites in Northwest Austin, only a hop, skip, and a u-turn from my palatial digs down the street. I'd held down a similar job at the feared and loathed La Quinta Inn back in St. Augustine in the early years of the millenium, slumming it reading back issues of MOJO while watching UHF television on the portable set (that's how I got sucked into the world of Channel 22, but that's another BLOG! entirely), and occasionally dealing with an irate guest. And then later at the Hilton, taking slightly more upscale complaints.
So I figured I could go back, Jack, and do it again, picking up an easy ten bucks an hour checkin' 'em in and checkin' 'em out.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the extended-stay.

I couldn't fucking do it.

It did my head in, brutally.

I resigned my position -- ten bucks an hour and no commission -- after a brief 13 hours on the job. I didn't want to waste their time and mine. Besides, I got a better offer from a boiler room selling anti-drug radio spots to local contractors.

In any case, here's big ups for Marisa Quijano and Dalanna Davenport, holding down the fort at the Crestwood. Sorry I couldn't have been of more service.

Ales from the Crypt: Stone IPA, Arrogant Bastard Ale

ALES FROM THE CRYPT

So this is the title I've chosen for my microbrew review column. Readers in the UK will say that I've stolen it from the beer festival in Liverpool that is held in an actual crypt, but this column is about American craft brews, and not a bunch of soused Liverpudlians staggering about in a mausoleum. Hey, there's only so many ale-related puns out there, so let's move on.

Ales will be graded based on the following criteria, on a scale of one to five:

Appearance

Aroma

Flavor/Mouth Feel

Buzz

Hangover Factor

Our first ales to be graded come from the Stone Brewing Company in San Diego, California (http://www.stonebrew.com/), a fine craft brewer that makes a nice variety of "big character" beers. Aside from their use of Satan as their corporate mascot, I'm a big fan. Beer is a gift from God, don't you know, but of course, one too many and ol' Scratch rears his ugly head. But I digress.

Leading off is Stone's version of my favorite style: India Pale Ale.

STONE I.P.A.:

Appearance: A golden orange color with a decent head, moderate lacing. I'll give it a 4.

Aroma: A promise of spice, with citrus overtones, and an earthy hop smell that'll defoliate your nostril hairs: 3.

Flavor/Mouth Feel: Hokey smokes, Bullwinkle! This IPA is dry-hopped beyond the pale, which is a quality I usually covet. My producer, Derrek D., would call it "dank." Unfortunately, it goes past the realm of dankness into total unpalatability. One reviewer on The Beer Advocate site wrote, "Malt and fruit suggested by the nose get totally overwhelmed by a pronounced flavor of Band-Aids. Extremely unpleasant, and somewhat greasy on the palate." That said, and since a pantload of hops gave their lives to make this, I'll score it a 2 instead of a 1.

Buzz: At 6.9% ABV, whatever qualms one might have about the flavor are soon overtaken by the alcohol's warming glow. Not that you'll want another, but 6.9 is a solid ABV from where I'm standing. 4.5.

Hangover Factor: Given that having another is out of the question, chances are that you won't have enough to feel it the next day. Despite being otherwise quite filthy, it burns clean. 4.

Overall: 3.5

ARROGANT BASTARD ALE:

From the label: "This is an aggressive beer. You probably won't like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We suggest that stick to safer and more familiar territory -- maybe something with a multi-million dollar ad campaign to convince you that it's made in a little brewery, or one that implies that its tasteless fizzy yellow beer will give you more sex appeal. Perhaps you think that mulit-million dollar ad campaigns make a beer taste better. Perhaps you are mouthing the words as you read this."

Appearance: A reddish dark amber color with a lusty, creamy brownish head, alpine lacing. A full-on 5.

Aroma: Ambrosia! Floral, yeasty, and hoppy to the max, oaken, yadda yadda. Let's get on with it: 5.

Flavor/Mouth Feel: Beergasm! Delicious, complex, up front maltiness with chocolate and figgy flavors and just the right amount of hop bitterness. Please, sir, can I have some more? 5.

Buzz: 7.2% ABV, which in my book, is about perfect. Most buzz-worthy, the awesome drinkability of this ale will most likely result in drunkenness. 5.

Hangover Factor: Maybe I went to the well once too often, but I had a bit of lethargy and a mild headache the next day. Still, not too bad considering the strength of the brew. 3.

Overall: 4.6

http://www.arrogantbastard.com/

McTiernan: Lie Hard With a Vengeance

Back in 2001, I worked as a stand-in for Tim Daly on the film Basic, which was directed by John McTiernan, who I must say was a bit of a prick. Now it looks as though he'll be doing some time on the government's dime:

'Die Hard' director sentenced to prison
By RAQUEL MARIA DILLON, For The Associated Press

A federal judge sentenced Hollywood director John McTiernan to four months in prison Monday after refusing to allow him to withdraw his guilty plea to charges of lying to the FBI about his association with disgraced private eye Anthony Pellicano.

Judge Dale S. Fischer gave the director of such films as "Die Hard" and "Die Hard With a Vengeance" until Jan. 15 to turn himself in to authorities. McTiernan's lawyer said he would appeal.

McTiernan also was ordered to pay a $100,000 fine.

When he entered his plea last year, McTiernan said he lied when he told an FBI agent the only time he used Pellicano's services was during his divorce. In actuality, he said, he hired Pellicano to wiretap Charles Roven, a producer who had worked with him on the 2002 box-office flop "Rollerball."

Pellicano, who served 2 1/2 years in federal prison for possessing illegal weapons, has pleaded not guilty to charges in a 111-count indictment accusing him of bugging phones and bribing police to get information on celebrities and others.

McTiernan was originally scheduled to be sentenced two weeks ago but that hearing was delayed after his lawyer asked that he be allowed to withdraw the plea and fight the charge.

Attorney Milton Grimes said at the time that McTiernan hadn't had adequate legal representation when he entered the plea upon a previous lawyer's advice.

On Monday, the defense argued that when McTiernan spoke to the FBI agent he was tired from having returned from a long trip to Asia, was taking antibiotics for a sinus infection and had gone off his anti-depression medication.

The judge was not persuaded.

"I find these arguments completely lacking in credibility," she said.

The 56-year-old McTiernan did not speak.

Grimes said outside court he was disappointed in Fischer's ruling and would appeal.

He disagreed with Fischer's observation that McTiernan "lived a privileged life and simply wants to continue that."

Brave Hater 9.24.07

BRAVES PLAY SPOILER, FOIL BREW CREW


Well, folks, on the bright side, Brave Hater subscriptions have spiked in Wisconsin. Previously, our readers in the land of cheese have been limited to aging baby-boomers still irked by the Braves' relocation to Atlanta over 40 years ago. Now a whole new generation has found a reason to hate the Braves. Atlanta's come-from-behind wins on Saturday and Sunday dropped the Milwaukee Brewers three and a half games behind the Cubs in the NL Central with only a week to play, laying waste to a season-long Cinderella story, and what had been an inspired stretch drive.

On Saturday, the Brew Crew held a one-run lead with two outs in the bottom of the tenth, when Coco Cordero surrendered a tape-measure job to Brave benchwarmer Scott Thorman that tied the score. Then, in the 11th, Chipper Jones grounded into what would have been his second consecutive rally-killing double play, only to have Milwaukee second sacker Richie Weeks boot the ball. The next batter, the brobdignaggian HGH-lover Mark Teixeira, knocked in the game winner with a rocket to the gap.

On Sunday, former Expo Claudio Vargas coughed up four runs in the seventh to squander a 4-1 Milwaukee lead. Brewers manager Ned Yost paid homage to Bobby Cox by pitching a fit and getting tossed. It was a monumental meltdown of epic proportions, not only by Yost, but also by his team, whose playoff chances are now on par with the filthy and depraved Atlanta nine.



NO CHAMPAGNE FOR YOU, CHIPPER!

Although Atlanta won five of six last week, sweeping a pathetic Marlins team managed by Bobby Cox's former stooge Fredi Gonzales (the guy can't even spell "Freddie," let alone manage a Major League ballclub) and taking two out of three from the Brewers, the standings still spell doom for the Braves. With the Mets suddenly remembering how to play the game of baseball and winning three straight (albeit against the Marlins), the Braves are five and half out in the NL East, but only three and a half out in the Wild Card race. However, they would have to leap-frog three other teams to make it to the post-season, which is highly unlikely.

What is much more likely, and almost as bad, is Chipper winning the NL batting title. Currently leading the league with a .341 BA, Jones appears to be a lock. With the Rockies' Matt Holliday trailing at .337 and nursing a strained oblique, only another 0-for-14 slump could derail the hateful scenario of Chipper being crowned batting champ. Brave Hater nation must put the collective whammy on Larry Wayne to prevent this calamity from occurring.

To our more religious readers, we ask that you pray, and pray hard, for Chipper to go hitless for the remainder of the '07 season.


Brave Hater is a parody, and thus protected by the same laws that give Braves fans the right to do the tomahawk chop and the Seminole chant ad nauseum. So there.

Florida Rocks Again! #22: Fuzz Feast

Florida Rocks Again! returns to the GaragePunk Podcast at FloridaRocksAgain.GaragePunk.com today with "Fuzz Feast" featuring the Split Ends, the Last Words, and Duane Allman's Greatest Fuzz.


Playlist:
SPLIT ENDS: Rich With Nothin'
WE THE PEOPLE: When I Arrive
LAST WORDS: Mo'reen
ANN-MARGARET: I Just Don't Understand
PAINTED FACES: Girl, You're Growing Up
ROYAL GUARDSMEN: Leaving Me
TWELFTH NIGHT: Grim Reaper

ALLMAN JOYS: Spoonful/Shapes of Things
HOUR GLASS: Down in Texas/In a Time
31st OF FEBRUARY: Morning Dew

BARONS: Drawbridge
SHY GUYS: Black Lightening Light
KOLLEKTION: Savage Lost
HUSTLERS: If You Try

Series hosted by Mal Thursday

Produced by JM Dobies and Jeff Lemlich

Texas Gone Garage!

Yeah, so we passed on the ACL fest, because by the time we got to town, tix were going for $250 a pop. However, this little festival of Texas garage bands looks promising, even if it is three months away, and in Houston. Another fine presentation from HeSaidSheSaid Productions.

Texas BBQ Showdown: Rudy's vs. Smokey Mo's

Texas is famous for many things, but the thing I was itchin' to try was its world-renowned barbecue (I'm for sure not itchin' to try its world-renowned death penalty). Yeah, I'm a sucker for something that's both tasty and bad for you (see previous entries on Lubi's and Jreck Subs), and I'm quite a fan of Southern BBQ in general. Back in Florida, there was some excellent barbeue, my favorite variety being pulled pork slathered in a mustard-based sauce with slaw and beans on the side. Then there's the Carolina variety with its characteristic vinegar sauce, but none can compare with Texan BBQ. I am hooked. Here in Austin, there are more barbecue shacks than you can shake a stick at, but let's start the tour with Rudy's and Smokey Mo's, because they've got multiple locations, and both are less than a five minute drive from my apartment.

Rudy's Country Store and Bar-B-Q bills itself as "The Worst Bar-B-Q in Texas," so you know it's good. Although it has it's detractors, who probably object to the fast-food nature of the place, Rudy's serves up a damn fine plate of oak-smoked ribs, the juiciest brisket around, and great side dishes, like the new potatoes drenched in melted butter or their incredible creamed corn. I know, you hear "creamed corn" and you think "nursing home food service," but this ain't your garden-variety creamed corn. Basically, Rudy's creamed corn consists of sweet niblets swimming in a rich blend of heavy cream and creamery butter. It's...creamy. Very creamy. My taste buds exulted as my arteries hardened. Genius.

Honorable mention for their jalapeno sausage links. Awesome.

Smokey Mo's offers a similar menu, but with its own mind-melting variations on the theme. While their brisket isn't as tender and juicy as Rudy's, it is smokier, and no less delicious. They also offer the option of wheat bread instead of just the classic Texas white. Their slaw is also a cut above, but what really sets Smokey Mo's apart from the pack is their sauce, a spicy, lip-smacking concoction that lives up to the "Hot*Hot*Hot..." on label. Man, that is some good sauce, lemme tell ya. I was always partial to a mustard-based sauce, but I have seen the light. Make mine Texas red from now on.

So what we've got here is a dead heat. Both joints serving up a gut-busting cornucopia of down-home deliciousness, each with their own spin on classic Texas BBQ. I've tried other places -- I've only lived here for two weeks, but I've had BBQ approximately every other day -- but Rudy's and Smokey Mo's are my favorites so far. Stay tuned for further reports from the capitol of Barbecue as I experience other fine purveyors of smokey, meaty Texas goodness.

RUDY'S COUNTRY STORE AND BBQ:

2451 Capital of Texas Hwy
S.Austin, TX 78746
(512) 329-5554

11570 Research Blvd.
Austin, TX 78759
(512) 418-9898

2400 N. IH-35
Round Rock, TX 78681
(512) 244-2936

7709 FM 620
Austin, TX 78726
(512) 250-8002

SMOKEY MO'S:

HEB Center, 100 E. Whitestone, Suite 158
Cedar Park, TX 78613
(512) 528-0500

1601 I-35 South, Suite 320
Round Rock, TX 78664
(512) 828-4050

6001 W. Parmer
Austin, TX 78727
(512) 918-0002

717 South Hwy 183
Liberty Hill, TX 78642
(512) 515 - 0659

Brave Hater 9.17.07

GOD BLESS THE WASHINGTON NATIONALS

Even though the Braves took two out of three from the hapless Nationals this past weekend, Saturday night's 7-4 loss was a pleasure to behold, as it virtually guaranteed the Braves' elimination from postseason contention. Earlier in the game, TBS play-by-play dork Chip Caray postulated that the Braves would need to go 13-2 in their final 15 games to win the Wild Card. Clearly, with Atlanta's starting rotation, which is basically John Smoltz, Tim Hudson, and three nonentities, that ain't happening. While the historical precedent for a 13-1 stretch drive is there, the historical precedent for the Braves' rotation is "Spahn and Sain and pray for rain."

In any case, Saturday's starter was Lance Cormier, who lasted less than three innings, getting the hook after surrendering a three-run homer to Washington pine-rider Robert Fick, of all people. It was sweet redemption for the once-reviled catcher-first baseman, who earned the scorn of Brave Haters everywhere with his unsportsmanlike conduct during the 2003 Division Series against the Cubs. All is forgiven, Robert.

Speaking of redemption, Nationals closer Chad Cordero was called upon to pitch the ninth, after having blown a two-run lead the night before by serving up a fatty to the villainous Chipper Jones, who stroked an RBI double to send the game into extras. It looked like history repeating itself as Cordero loaded the bases for Chipper, but this time Jones grounded into his team-leading 19th double play to end the game.

Sweet.

And so, we at Brave Hater salute the Washington Nationals for helping to ensure the Braves will be on the outside looking in come October. We also look forward to their offseason spending spree, as they seek to upgrade their woeful roster by throwing money at various top free agents in anticipation of opening their new ballpark in 2008. A much-improved Nationals club could mean a fourth-place finish for the Braves next season.

Now that would be super-sweet.

ANDRUW JONES: A WALK (YEAR) TO FORGET

Fox Sports' Kevin Hench writes, "This was not how Andruw Jones wanted to spend the last year of his 6-year, $75M contract, essentially losing money with every at-bat. Had the 30-year-old Jones, possibly the greatest defensive center fielder of all time, replicated his numbers of last year (.262, 41, 129) or his breakout 2005 (.263, 51, 128), Scott Boras could have secured him $100M easy. But after flailing his way through the worst year of his career — .220/.315/.414 — it's hard to imagine a team giving him a raise and a long-term deal. Had Jones not scuffled so mightily this season, the Braves likely would have made it back to the playoffs."

Well, a grateful Brave Hater Nation applauds Andruw for his lousy numbers, and many whiffs in the clutch, although another abbreviated Braves playoff run would have provided much amusement come October.

Sure, Atlanta won't be around for the postseason, but there is still the possibility of a losing season. A record of, say, 79 wins and 83 losses would satisfy our schadenfreude nicely.

WHO'S WORSE: CHIPPER JONES OR DANE COOK?

It's bad enough having to look at Chipper's ugly face for an entire game, but it's insult to injury having to endure MLB's playoff promos featuring the despicable Dane Cook between innings. This joke-stealing no-talent has somehow managed to have a lucrative film career, getting to star opposite the likes of Jessica Simpson and Jessica Alba (you, sir, are not worthy). However, we all have the option of not buying a ticket to Good Luck Chuck or Employee of the Month at the local multiplex. But every time we watch a big-league ballgame over the past several months, we get Cook's overpaid, overexposed mug in our faces, doing his hyper schtick and telling us how awesome the Milwaukee Brewers are. It's thoroughly loathsome, as is Dane's act. Even the good bits he stole from Louis CK.

Still, Chipper is worse.

Brave Hater is a parody, so if you don't like it, go buy yourself a Braves logo Tiffany lamp at the Chop Shop and stick it where the sun don't shine.

The Ballad of Mal Thursday: I'll Never Forget What's 'Isname

THE BALLAD OF MAL THURSDAY : I'll Never Forget What's 'Isname

1. FRANCIS LAI: I'll Never Forget What's 'Isname
2. DAVID BOWIE: Where Have All the Good Times Gone?
3. MALARIANS: Once Upon a Time (In Your Mind)
4. LYRES: Grounded
5. RAY CHARLES: Busted
6. HOYT AXTON: Boney Fingers
7. Candy fom a Baby
8. SAM & DAVE: Rich Kind of Poverty
9. WILD ONES: Lord Love a Duck
10. A Useless, Drifting Bum
11. ART GUY: Where You Gonna Go
12. SMASHING PUMPKINS: Bullet with Butterfly Wings
13. DEREK & CLIVE: T.V.
14. PYTHON LEE JACKSON: In a Broken Dream
15. ELVIS COSTELLO: Sleepless Nights
16. H.P.
17. MEL TILLIS: Mental Revenge
18. IGGY POP: 'Til Wrong Feels Right
19. A Cheap Imitation of a Human Being
20. CURTIS MAYFIELD: Freddie's Dead
21. H.G.
22. CREATION: Painter Man
23. MORPHINE: Cure for Pain
24. MOTT THE HOOPLE: Sea Diver
25. PROCTOR AMUSENT COMPANY: Heard You Went Away

26. WILCO: What's the World Got in Store
27. MEL TORME: I've Got a World That Swings
28. SEARCHERS: Take Me For What I'm Worth

29. OASIS: Keep the Dream Alive
30. FRED NEIL: A Little Bit of Rain
31. GREENHORNES: Bedknobs and Knee Socks
TT: 79:51

Here 'tis, loyal readers: my latest autobiographical mix CD. If you wants one, please send at least a fiver via PayPal to malthursday@yahoo.com for the blank disc, postage, and handling, and I'll make sure sure to get you one.

Things I Won't Miss About St. Augustine

1. The Politics: So right-wing that in the 2006 US Senate race where Democrat Bill Nelson defeated Republican Katherine "The Dragon Lady" Harris in a statewide landslide, Harris actually carried St. Johns County by a decisive margin. Let's just say there's a lot of Fox News Channel fans in Northeast Florida.

2. The Job Market: If you love minimum wage and/or the food service industry, this town's for you!

3. The Bridge of Lions: A drawbridge beloved by visitors as a quaint and charming relic, the Bridge of Lions is the bane of anybody who works downtown and lives on the island. Despite ostensibly maintaining a regular schedule of going up on the half-hour, the reality is that it will stop traffic at any given moment, depending on the whims of the pleasure craft and/or construction barges that pass underneath. Currently undergoing a multi-million dollar renovation to restore it to some semblance of structural integrity, but without lessening the traffic tie-ups. Brilliant!

4. The Health Care: Where do I begin? How about with "Dr. J" a/k/a "Worst Obstetrician Ever." I still can't believe we let this ham-fisted clown deliver both of our babies. He barely made it in time for the arrival of our firstborn, then missed our daughter's birth entirely, as he was returning a rental car and couldn't get back in time. The head nurse did a better job than he would have, anyway.

5.The Insects: Sure, Austin has been dealing with a plague of crickets this summer, but our old house on St. Augustine Beach was home to a hateful cadre of bloodthirsty mosquitoes and huge spiders who could body-double for tarantulas.

6. The Tourists: Specifically those tourists on the trains/trolleys, and especially those on the horse and carriages. Why? Because they got in my way, that's why. Even though theirs is a better lot than a quick trip to the glue factory, those horses always look so depressed dragging their asses through traffic in 100 degree heat and 100% humidity. A special place in hell is reserved for the guy who crapped in the pool at our condo.

Things I'll Miss About St. Augustine

Even though we are now immersing ourselves in the culture of Austin, here's what I'll miss about our former home, St. Augustine, Florida:

1. Our Friends: Derrek and Joanna, Bill and Kathy, and all of you who made us feel welcome there.

2. The Ocean: Now that we're landlocked, I have to admit that living in such close proximity to the Atlantic was pretty cool. Except during hurricanes.

3. Surreal Cinema: Even though I'm only seen in reruns nowadays, I'll miss tuning in on Friday nights to watch myself introduce the Wildest and Weirdest Movies That Time Forgot. Unfortunately, our rabbit ears no longer pick up the dodgy signal of Channel 22.

4. The Guilty Pleasures of Jacksonville: Lubi's, Seven Bridges, the Jags, and the Suns will now be replaced with Luby's, North by Northwest, the 'Boys, and the Round Rock Express.

5. The World's Finest Fried Shrimp: Whether it's the tender butterfly shrimp at Osteen's, the crispy homestyle shrimp at South Beach Grill, or the coconut shrimp at Sunset Grille, I'll miss all the heart-stopping, deep-fried goodness of the local specialty.

6. Uncle Steve-O's Rock of Ages: Since Florida Rocks Again! moved South to Flagler Beach and Rock 105 stopped airing Little Steven's Underground Garage, this show is the last bastion of mind-blowing radio to be heard in the nation's oldest city. Keep your freak flag flying, Steve-O. Long may it wave.

Hughie Thomasson 1952-2007

I was just informed of the death of Hughie Thomasson, lead guitarist of the Outlaws and former member of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Hughie passed away at his home in Brooksville, Florida on Sunday September 9th of an apparent heart attack.

Needless to say, Hughie's music has been a staple of the Florida Rocks Again! radio program. I was privileged to witness his six-string genius with the reunited Outlaws in December of 2005 at the Freebird in Jacksonville Beach. And, yeah, they closed with an epic "Green Grass and High Tides."

To quote longtime Outlaws fanatic Susie Martin-Rott: "The guitar army on Earth is over -- may Hughie rest in peace and remain with us through his music forever."

Four for Texas

Well, the family and I arrived in Austin late Wednesday night, and have found suitable accomodations here in the North End.

The town is hopping, with the Austin City Limits Festival this week, and of course, the University of Texas Longhorns football season in full swing. I thought the people in Florida were mental about the Gators, but that weren't nuthin' compared to the people here and their passion for the 'Horns. By the way, UT had a big second half on Saturday to beat TCU and are now 2-0.

In addiction to headlining the ACL Fest, Bob Dylan is playing a show at Stubb's Bar-B-Q this week, and I'm bound and determined to go. I may have to settle for just the brisket and no Bob, because tickets are going to be mighty hard to come by. Despite numerous opportunities, I've never seen Dylan live. When the Rolling Thunder Revue played Montreal back in '75, I didn't have a driver's license yet, and none of my high school friends wanted to go. If it had been Rush or Aerosmith, I'd have had plenty of takers. In recent years, as Bob has been on his Neverending Tour, I passed on more than one occasion to see him in concert, usually because I couldn't get good seats. But to see him in a Barbecue joint that holds a few hundred people? Now that would be incredible.

Of course, I've got other things to worry about right now, like getting a job, and moving our belongings into our new apartment. Most of our stuff will be arriving in a SAM on Wednesday. Getting the king-size mattress up to the second floor should be fun.

Ich bin ein Austiner!

Brave Hater 9.7.07

METS CRUSH BRAVES PLAYOFF HOPES WITH WEEKEND SWEEP

Former Brave Tom Glavine outduelled his old teammate John Smoltz on Sunday to give the New York Mets a 3-2 victory and complete a three-game sweep of the hapless Braves. With only three weeks remaining in the 2007 regular season, Atlanta trails the Mets by an insurmountable 7 and a half games in the NL East, falling to 7th place in the Wild Card race, 5 and a half games behind San Diego.

Even their incredible, come-from-behind win against the Phillies on Wednesday did little to change their dire postseason prognosis, instead highlighting the spoiler role they will be forced to play for the rest of the year. Still, the Braves still have a slim chance, mathematically speaking; Brave Hater Nation must remain vigilant, and continue to put the whammy on this accursed franchise, and especially Chipper, who snapped out of an 0 for 14 funk on Sunday and is now back to his usual shenanigans.

BRAVES MAKE OFFSEASON PLANS

As the reality of another postseason on the sidelines begins to sink in, various Braves personnel are already making plans for other ways to spend October:

Mark Teixeira: Free agent, object of bidding war, signing fat contract with Yankees.

Edgar Renteria: Trade bait.

John Smoltz: Endorsement deal with Hair Club for Men.

Yuniel Escobar: Cock-fighting.

JoJo Reyes: Apartment-hunting in Richmond.

Chipper Jones: Quail-hunting, wife-beating.

Bobby Cox: Drinking heavily, wife-beating, pondering retirement.

Brave Hater is a parody, so Braves fans can address their complaints to 1-800-PISS-OFF.