Monday, August 27, 2007

Brave Hater 8.27.07

Excerpts from this week's issue of Brave Hater Magazine:


The staff here at Brave Hater spent the weekend in an unfamiliar position: rooting for the St. Louis Cardinals. After dropping the opener of a three game series against Atlanta, the Cards recovered to take two out of three from the reeling Braves.

The losses dropped Atlanta to seven games behind the division leading Mets and four games out in the Wild Card standings. The likelihood of Atlanta making the post-season to delight us with yet another October choke job is decreasing by the hour. At least we can look forward to the the last day of the regular season and the inevitable post-game interview with a disappointed Chipper as he cleans out his locker.

The standings:

Mets: 73 - 56, .566, -
Phillies: 67 - 62, .519, 6 GB
Braves: 67 - 64, .511., 7 GB


Braves shortstop Edgar Renteria was activated off the 15-Day disabled list last Wednesday, only to reinjure his ankle on the first pitch he saw in the first inning of the Braves 4-2 loss at Cincinnati. Renteria took a ball from Reds starter Bronson Arroyo, slightly lifting and striding with his left foot before briefly stumbling backward. Unable to continue, he was replaced by Yuniel Escobar, who grounded out. Renteria was returned to the DL on Thursday.

As the man once said, "It's funny because it's true."


The Braves severed ties with erstwhile closer Bob Wickman on Friday, the day after the portly shit-baller surrendered a game-winning two-run home run to Cincinnati's Adam Dunn. Wickman is 3-3 with a 3.92 ERA with 20 saves and six blown saves, which is apparently one too many for manager Bobby Cox.

"We just want to go a different way," Cox told reporters over a tall Jack Daniel's on the rocks at the hotel bar. "I'm sick of that out-of-shape S.O.B. trying to finesse it with that slop of his...Every time I call the bullpen to get him up, he's eating a hot dog. Or he's sleeping. I need that fucking guy out there throwing gophers in the ninth like I need a hole in the head."

Cox's tirade lasted several minutes, during which he used the term "horseshit" 129 times.

Having cleared room on the roster by designating B-Wick for assignment, the Braves recalled pitchers Jose Ascanio and former number one draft pick Joey Devine, who served up batting practice to National League hitters and gave up many a moon shot during his brief but memorable Major League debut late in the 2005 season and also in his other, much more forgettable trials with the big club.


Loyal readers of Brave Hater have been asking why we haven't weighed in on the controversy surrounding Chipper Jones's comments regarding Alex Rodriguez's alleged use of steroids. Well, around here, although we sure as shootin' don't like Chipper, we don't much care for A-Rod, either.

So we didn't comment at the time, instead choosing to focus on other despicable personality traits of Mr. Jones. Like for instance, this prick doesn't stop hitting. We keep waiting for his inevitable decline, and the bastard keeps hitting doubles like there's no tomorrow. But we digress.

For those fans looking for closure, we will now address the issue of Chipper v. A-Rod.
When Jones was asked about recent statements from Jose Canseco insinuating that Rodriguez was a user of performance-enhancing chemicals, a "hypocrite" and "not all he appeared to be," Chipper fanned the flames by saying, "I think it will follow him. There's going to be the questions because his name's been brought up. He's going to have to answer the questions...It's just so farfetched, the numbers that [he's] putting up." ("Chipper Shocker," NY Post, 8/9/07)

He has since tried to backpedal, saying that he doesn't believe A-Rod uses 'roids, and besides, they're good friends. Yeah, right. That's the part that bugs the staff here at Brave Hater. We had no problem with Chipper's honest skepticism regarding Rodriguez's gaudy numbers. In fact, as much as it pains us to say it, we respect him for speaking his mind, such as it is.

However, when he plays the "Aw, shucks, I played against him in high school" card, then hems and haws about the Yankee third baseman's obvious steroid abuse with mealy-mouthed hogwash about how he doesn't see "Alex being called in front of grand juries and stuff," and that he hopes "nothing comes of it," that's when we discovered yet another reason to severely dislike Chipper Jones.

His unguarded bluster about the premiere player at his position was almost admirable, but his attempt at damage control was pure hypocrisy.

The only question remaining is who's more of a hypocrite, A-Roid or Chipper? Our longtime readers already know our answer: Larry Wayne Jones. A-Hole.

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