Monday, October 1, 2007

Brave Hater 10.1.07


Although their season wasn't as disappointing as say, the Mets, the Braves' third place finish and mediocre 83-79 record were a bitter pill for the organization to swallow. However, it tastes pretty good to us.

While we at Brave Hater had hoped for a losing record, it was even more satisfying when Atlanta went on a tear in the season's second-to-last week, providing hope for a miraculous finish, only to have their hopes dashed when Chipper made a boo-boo. Jones's throwing error in Wednesday's game against Philadelphia led to a crushing defeat that made a post-season berth highly unlikely, and John Smoltz surrendering four runs to the first four Phillies hitters on Thursday sealed the Braves' fate. Smoltz's first inning troubles paled in comparison to his erstwhile teammate Tom Glavine's in the Mets' 8-1 loss to the Marlins on Sunday, when Tommy gave up seven runs in a third of an inning to make the Metropolitans' horriffic collapse complete.

However, Smoltzie's bald-headed buffoonery was enough to eliminate the Braves from playoff contention, and make the final three-game series in Houston a meaningless exercise in playing out the string. Despite winning the opener behind an uncharacteristically effective Jojo Reyes, the Braves then dropped the final two games of the series, including a 3-0 shutout in Sunday's finale, to go out as losers.

As the home crowd at Minute Maid Park cheered for Craig Biggio, playing his last game, all of us at Brave Hater cheered a different milestone, as Chipper Jones took the collar, going 0-for-3 to drop his average to .337, and virtually guarantee Colorado's Matt Holliday the batting title (Holliday cinched it with his triple off of Trevor Hoffman in tonight's Wild Card tiebreaker, by the way).

The Braves in third place, Chipper losing the batting title: brilliant!

That is why 2007 was our favorite year.


Although Chipper Jones did not win the batting title, his gaudy numbers this season have helped to advance the fallacious argument that he is worthy of the Hall of Fame. More than one sportswriter has gone on record saying that he will vote for Larry Wayne Jr. on the first ballot.


One pernicious side effect of all of this malarkey has been an increase in value of Chipper's rookie card in the Beckett Guide. Luckily, we have several here in the office as part of part of our anti-Chipper voodoo shrine.

We will use all of our resources to bribe as many members of the BBWA to vote no on Jones's Hall candidacy, even it means parting with this rare card:

Brave Hater is a parody, specifically of Chop Talk, the despicable publication packed with pro-Atlanta propoganda of the vilest sort. See you next year, Brave Hater Nation.

1 comment:

Craig D said...

"Colonic-giving wife?!?!?"

I guess it really is better to give than to receive!