BLOG! Fall Preview

Coming this Fall to BLOG! by JM Dobies:

Texas Bar-B-Q Showdown: Stubb's vs. The Iron Works

Brave Hater: 2007 in Review

Bring Me the Head of Anthony Wiggle

The Return of The Mal Thursday Show

Ales from the Crypt: North by Northwest

The Ugly Beats: Live n' Wild

Florida Rocks Again!: Even More Playlists!!!

Brave Hater Extra: Thank You, Chipper

CHIPPER EROR DOOMS BRAVES IN LOSS

Has ever a sweeter headline been written this season?

"Chipper error dooms Braves in loss."

We like how that trips off the tongue:

Chipper.

Error.

Dooms Braves.

In loss.

Larry Wayne's throwing error led to three unearned runs for the Phillies and wasted another excellent outing by Tim Hudson. The Braves had won eight of their previous nine games.

We hasten to add that Chipper had a second consecutive 1-for-4 night that dropped his batting average to .339. Maybe the NL batting title isn't such a lock after all.

From ESPN.Com:

"Philadelphia moved within one game of NL East-leading New York with a 5-2 victory over the Atlanta Braves on Wednesday night. The loss all but eliminated Atlanta from postseason contention. The Braves remain alive but have to win their last four games and get a lot of help to pass Colorado, Philadelphia and San Diego."

[Insert maniacal laughter here.]

Need we remind you that Brave Hater is a parody?

Led Schleppelin: 13 Hours at the Crestwood

OK, OK, I came to town without a solid job offer, so while I was waiting for the inevitable callback from the myriad auditions I've done in hopes of landing a well-paying gig, I decided to take a temporary schlep job in an industry with which I have a long and painful history.

The hospitality industry.

The hotel game.

The pay-by-the-day, flophouse, hot-sheet, no-tell motel game.

Only slightly updated from the seamy picture painted by onetime teenage bellhop Jim Thompson in such novels as A Swell-Looking Babe.



So I took a desk clerk job at the Crestwood Suites in Northwest Austin, only a hop, skip, and a u-turn from my palatial digs down the street. I'd held down a similar job at the feared and loathed La Quinta Inn back in St. Augustine in the early years of the millenium, slumming it reading back issues of MOJO while watching UHF television on the portable set (that's how I got sucked into the world of Channel 22, but that's another BLOG! entirely), and occasionally dealing with an irate guest. And then later at the Hilton, taking slightly more upscale complaints.
So I figured I could go back, Jack, and do it again, picking up an easy ten bucks an hour checkin' 'em in and checkin' 'em out.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the extended-stay.

I couldn't fucking do it.

It did my head in, brutally.

I resigned my position -- ten bucks an hour and no commission -- after a brief 13 hours on the job. I didn't want to waste their time and mine. Besides, I got a better offer from a boiler room selling anti-drug radio spots to local contractors.

In any case, here's big ups for Marisa Quijano and Dalanna Davenport, holding down the fort at the Crestwood. Sorry I couldn't have been of more service.

Ales from the Crypt: Stone IPA, Arrogant Bastard Ale

ALES FROM THE CRYPT

So this is the title I've chosen for my microbrew review column. Readers in the UK will say that I've stolen it from the beer festival in Liverpool that is held in an actual crypt, but this column is about American craft brews, and not a bunch of soused Liverpudlians staggering about in a mausoleum. Hey, there's only so many ale-related puns out there, so let's move on.

Ales will be graded based on the following criteria, on a scale of one to five:

Appearance

Aroma

Flavor/Mouth Feel

Buzz

Hangover Factor

Our first ales to be graded come from the Stone Brewing Company in San Diego, California (http://www.stonebrew.com/), a fine craft brewer that makes a nice variety of "big character" beers. Aside from their use of Satan as their corporate mascot, I'm a big fan. Beer is a gift from God, don't you know, but of course, one too many and ol' Scratch rears his ugly head. But I digress.

Leading off is Stone's version of my favorite style: India Pale Ale.

STONE I.P.A.:

Appearance: A golden orange color with a decent head, moderate lacing. I'll give it a 4.

Aroma: A promise of spice, with citrus overtones, and an earthy hop smell that'll defoliate your nostril hairs: 3.

Flavor/Mouth Feel: Hokey smokes, Bullwinkle! This IPA is dry-hopped beyond the pale, which is a quality I usually covet. My producer, Derrek D., would call it "dank." Unfortunately, it goes past the realm of dankness into total unpalatability. One reviewer on The Beer Advocate site wrote, "Malt and fruit suggested by the nose get totally overwhelmed by a pronounced flavor of Band-Aids. Extremely unpleasant, and somewhat greasy on the palate." That said, and since a pantload of hops gave their lives to make this, I'll score it a 2 instead of a 1.

Buzz: At 6.9% ABV, whatever qualms one might have about the flavor are soon overtaken by the alcohol's warming glow. Not that you'll want another, but 6.9 is a solid ABV from where I'm standing. 4.5.

Hangover Factor: Given that having another is out of the question, chances are that you won't have enough to feel it the next day. Despite being otherwise quite filthy, it burns clean. 4.

Overall: 3.5

ARROGANT BASTARD ALE:

From the label: "This is an aggressive beer. You probably won't like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We suggest that stick to safer and more familiar territory -- maybe something with a multi-million dollar ad campaign to convince you that it's made in a little brewery, or one that implies that its tasteless fizzy yellow beer will give you more sex appeal. Perhaps you think that mulit-million dollar ad campaigns make a beer taste better. Perhaps you are mouthing the words as you read this."

Appearance: A reddish dark amber color with a lusty, creamy brownish head, alpine lacing. A full-on 5.

Aroma: Ambrosia! Floral, yeasty, and hoppy to the max, oaken, yadda yadda. Let's get on with it: 5.

Flavor/Mouth Feel: Beergasm! Delicious, complex, up front maltiness with chocolate and figgy flavors and just the right amount of hop bitterness. Please, sir, can I have some more? 5.

Buzz: 7.2% ABV, which in my book, is about perfect. Most buzz-worthy, the awesome drinkability of this ale will most likely result in drunkenness. 5.

Hangover Factor: Maybe I went to the well once too often, but I had a bit of lethargy and a mild headache the next day. Still, not too bad considering the strength of the brew. 3.

Overall: 4.6

http://www.arrogantbastard.com/

McTiernan: Lie Hard With a Vengeance

Back in 2001, I worked as a stand-in for Tim Daly on the film Basic, which was directed by John McTiernan, who I must say was a bit of a prick. Now it looks as though he'll be doing some time on the government's dime:

'Die Hard' director sentenced to prison
By RAQUEL MARIA DILLON, For The Associated Press

A federal judge sentenced Hollywood director John McTiernan to four months in prison Monday after refusing to allow him to withdraw his guilty plea to charges of lying to the FBI about his association with disgraced private eye Anthony Pellicano.

Judge Dale S. Fischer gave the director of such films as "Die Hard" and "Die Hard With a Vengeance" until Jan. 15 to turn himself in to authorities. McTiernan's lawyer said he would appeal.

McTiernan also was ordered to pay a $100,000 fine.

When he entered his plea last year, McTiernan said he lied when he told an FBI agent the only time he used Pellicano's services was during his divorce. In actuality, he said, he hired Pellicano to wiretap Charles Roven, a producer who had worked with him on the 2002 box-office flop "Rollerball."

Pellicano, who served 2 1/2 years in federal prison for possessing illegal weapons, has pleaded not guilty to charges in a 111-count indictment accusing him of bugging phones and bribing police to get information on celebrities and others.

McTiernan was originally scheduled to be sentenced two weeks ago but that hearing was delayed after his lawyer asked that he be allowed to withdraw the plea and fight the charge.

Attorney Milton Grimes said at the time that McTiernan hadn't had adequate legal representation when he entered the plea upon a previous lawyer's advice.

On Monday, the defense argued that when McTiernan spoke to the FBI agent he was tired from having returned from a long trip to Asia, was taking antibiotics for a sinus infection and had gone off his anti-depression medication.

The judge was not persuaded.

"I find these arguments completely lacking in credibility," she said.

The 56-year-old McTiernan did not speak.

Grimes said outside court he was disappointed in Fischer's ruling and would appeal.

He disagreed with Fischer's observation that McTiernan "lived a privileged life and simply wants to continue that."

Brave Hater 9.24.07

BRAVES PLAY SPOILER, FOIL BREW CREW


Well, folks, on the bright side, Brave Hater subscriptions have spiked in Wisconsin. Previously, our readers in the land of cheese have been limited to aging baby-boomers still irked by the Braves' relocation to Atlanta over 40 years ago. Now a whole new generation has found a reason to hate the Braves. Atlanta's come-from-behind wins on Saturday and Sunday dropped the Milwaukee Brewers three and a half games behind the Cubs in the NL Central with only a week to play, laying waste to a season-long Cinderella story, and what had been an inspired stretch drive.

On Saturday, the Brew Crew held a one-run lead with two outs in the bottom of the tenth, when Coco Cordero surrendered a tape-measure job to Brave benchwarmer Scott Thorman that tied the score. Then, in the 11th, Chipper Jones grounded into what would have been his second consecutive rally-killing double play, only to have Milwaukee second sacker Richie Weeks boot the ball. The next batter, the brobdignaggian HGH-lover Mark Teixeira, knocked in the game winner with a rocket to the gap.

On Sunday, former Expo Claudio Vargas coughed up four runs in the seventh to squander a 4-1 Milwaukee lead. Brewers manager Ned Yost paid homage to Bobby Cox by pitching a fit and getting tossed. It was a monumental meltdown of epic proportions, not only by Yost, but also by his team, whose playoff chances are now on par with the filthy and depraved Atlanta nine.



NO CHAMPAGNE FOR YOU, CHIPPER!

Although Atlanta won five of six last week, sweeping a pathetic Marlins team managed by Bobby Cox's former stooge Fredi Gonzales (the guy can't even spell "Freddie," let alone manage a Major League ballclub) and taking two out of three from the Brewers, the standings still spell doom for the Braves. With the Mets suddenly remembering how to play the game of baseball and winning three straight (albeit against the Marlins), the Braves are five and half out in the NL East, but only three and a half out in the Wild Card race. However, they would have to leap-frog three other teams to make it to the post-season, which is highly unlikely.

What is much more likely, and almost as bad, is Chipper winning the NL batting title. Currently leading the league with a .341 BA, Jones appears to be a lock. With the Rockies' Matt Holliday trailing at .337 and nursing a strained oblique, only another 0-for-14 slump could derail the hateful scenario of Chipper being crowned batting champ. Brave Hater nation must put the collective whammy on Larry Wayne to prevent this calamity from occurring.

To our more religious readers, we ask that you pray, and pray hard, for Chipper to go hitless for the remainder of the '07 season.


Brave Hater is a parody, and thus protected by the same laws that give Braves fans the right to do the tomahawk chop and the Seminole chant ad nauseum. So there.

Florida Rocks Again! #22: Fuzz Feast

Florida Rocks Again! returns to the GaragePunk Podcast at FloridaRocksAgain.GaragePunk.com today with "Fuzz Feast" featuring the Split Ends, the Last Words, and Duane Allman's Greatest Fuzz.


Playlist:
SPLIT ENDS: Rich With Nothin'
WE THE PEOPLE: When I Arrive
LAST WORDS: Mo'reen
ANN-MARGARET: I Just Don't Understand
PAINTED FACES: Girl, You're Growing Up
ROYAL GUARDSMEN: Leaving Me
TWELFTH NIGHT: Grim Reaper

ALLMAN JOYS: Spoonful/Shapes of Things
HOUR GLASS: Down in Texas/In a Time
31st OF FEBRUARY: Morning Dew

BARONS: Drawbridge
SHY GUYS: Black Lightening Light
KOLLEKTION: Savage Lost
HUSTLERS: If You Try

Series hosted by Mal Thursday

Produced by JM Dobies and Jeff Lemlich